Track Name: "Hold Me Now" Played: 1643 times
— Stephen Parolini (via elizabethunderwood)
a relationship will not cure your issues, no matter how hard young adult books and films try to push that notion on us. if you have depression or bipolar or anxiety or whatever, getting into a relationship isn’t going to cure that or make it go away. person with illness + relationship = ill person in a relationship. please don’t put all of your focus on finding someone to fix you, focus on fixing yourself the right way.
So, I’m sitting here with a blank piece of paper, a necklace that I’ve been meaning to send since Christmas and an address. Three things that should have been in front of me months ago.
Just goes to show how awesome I am.
Having a blank piece of paper in front of me when it should have been filled out ten, twenty times over in the first five minutes of deciding to do this. I know how horrible I’ve been and can admit that I know I reached never forgiving levels months ago but I don’t know how to put it in words that encompass everything I want to say, to apologize for.
I mean, really, how do you tell someone that they deserve better without making them think you’re just blowing them off? It could just be me but if someone said that to me I’d think they just wanted to get rid of me. That is not the case. I really want this person to believe that I think they are so amazing and wonderful and perfect that they deserve all the nicest things in the world and I want them to realize that I’m not one of those things. I want them to know that there is someone out there that is more deserving, more… everything than I am.
I want to explain everything that’s been happening, without making excuses. I want them to know I was in the crazy hospital and then I was shipped off to my grandma’s house and drove from there all the way back home with my sister. I want them to know my computer had a virus for the longest time and when I finally got it fixed I was only focusing on college stuff that ended up blowing up in my face. I want them to know I’ve been dealing with an alcoholic father that threatens to kick me out of the house every other week.
Most of all I want them to know I thought of them everyday but couldn’t bring myself to actually talk to them for some reason. A reason unknown to me. Though, I highly believe it to be something closely related to stupidity.
I want them to know everything I’ve been going through but know that none of that should have been put in front of them as more important. I want them to know how important they’ve always been to me and how much I do love them.
I want them to know how much I wish I could say stay with me but that it’s better that I don’t because it would just be selfish if I said anything other than to move on without me.
I sadly know myself to know that I’ll just do it again and again. Life’s too short to have to deal with people like that.
I’m sitting here holding the necklace. It’s so plain and simple, just a tiny key with so much meaning behind it. I should just do them a favor and throw it away for them. When I bought it I thought it would be perfect, so simple and pretty, but now it just seems like it wasn’t enough, even months ago when I wanted to send it, to say how much I love this person.
No matter what I feel I need to do this, I need to write it but I really am lost for words…
To Raise a Shark
I thought of a new fic. An XMFC Human-ish!AU where Charles buys a special pet, a shark, and names him Erik.